Sure, he's a hellovan actor. But did you know that he's also a physical freak? It isn't a secret that Gary Sinise's big break came when he was chosen to play Lieutenant Dan in that bench-bound soundtrack of a movie Forrest Gump. What most people don't realize, though, is that, in the quest to hopelessly taint the English language and further cement the rest of the nation's assumption that all Southerners are at least mildly mentally handicapped, the producers spent way too much money (JFK required a seriously fancy trailer). Gary Sinise got the role not only through his fine acting skills, but also through his willingness to cut production costs by hacking off his own legs.
It isn't entirely clear from what we know if Sinise knew at the time that his legs would grow back. It seems unlikely, though, that he was unaware of his spectacular regenerative abilities. What we do know of his extraordinary body raises only questions, not answers. His body holds almost exactly double what a normal, similarly-sized body would. He can regenerate himself nearly perfectly, but only from the belly-button down. His left arm is perfectly symmetrical to all appearances, but is almost seven times as strong. His armpit hair is as coarse and strong as steel wool. We know all of this, but what we don't know at all is why.
Gary Sinise doesn't act much these days. Along with his physical prowess, it seems that he was blessed with a strong sense of justice. He now donates the use of his freakish sense of smell and microscopic vision to the NYPD (as well as his encyclopedic knowledge of Random Shit), working as a detective and crime scene investigator. Even better, he is an unpaid producer on the documentary television show CSI:NY, which raises awareness of the issues and struggles that the NYPD face every day.
Gary Sinise: Freak. Hero.
I don't consider myself gay, but I have to admit, I would like to run my fingers through Gary's chest hair. Am I a fag?
Posted by: Francois | December 28, 2008 at 02:59 AM
No, Francois, that's how we all feel. It's perfectly natural.
Posted by: Broken Brain | January 07, 2009 at 01:04 PM
@ Broken Brain:
Thanks, Broken Brain. I'm reassured.
Now, I really want to meet Gary, unbutton his shirt, and adoringly run my fingers accross his manly chest hair.
Posted by: François | January 04, 2010 at 01:17 AM
Hi! I have been thinking about Sexy Gary and his chest hair, for a while now.
And now, I want to find a way to meet Gary Sinise. And I want to fuck him like there's no tomorrow!
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